Another True Story

The Compliment ….

She came up to me and she said –
“I’m not saying that you are completely insane, but you are more insane than anyone else I know”!

Thank you … I am reaching my goal!

‘The Aged Pastor Dreams He’s Free and Wandering In A Forest’
– coloured ink, pencil, and acrylic on a piece of unstretched canvas
– roughly 15 X 24 cm.

Springish Winter

It’s a beauteous sunny day in Nairne, in South Australia’s sunny Adelaide Hills.

Beauteous, but I’m not suggesting that it’s warm or anything approaching warm, however I have a jumper and am sitting wearing it with the house’s doors and windows open – Celebrating winter.

A cooling breeze, with “a taste of spring-time on its lips”, has come in playing with my aged whiskers.

Because I am a caring and sharing senior citizen, I am sharing beautiful strains of classical music with the neighbours 
(OK – it’s not “classical” per se, but rather Robert Plant [“Pictures At Eleven”]),
but “classical” sounds so much more sophisticated and fitting for an aged and sophisticated gent such as myself (and that album is a classic of its kind.)

Sounds of Spring in Winter

I wonder what the poor people are doing? 
… probably, like me, they are wondering how to pay both the Council Rates AND the electricity bill both due this month.

Meanwhile 
“Down at the station where the trains come in” 
… all is well, and time for a (low carb) sandwich and a cup of tea.

Ahhh – nice!

THEY BREED LIKE RABBITS.

“Hmmm” mused Rabbit, “Why aren’t we rabbits good at more things?”

“Well” Chair answered, “You rabbits are very good at breeding.”

“I was musing to myself, not to you” Rabbit snorted,
“Besides, you can’t give an opinion – you’re a chair. Your only purpose is to be sat upon.”

“That may be so” came the reply,
“But while people are sitting they think, and thinking is catching.
You rabbits should try it.”

“We think … we think” said Rabbit.

“You only think about sex. You are at it day and night … in fields, down holes – talk about ‘Don’t Litter Australia!” Chortled Chair.
“Breed, breed, breed … it’s all you lot do!”

“Well, smarty seat” sneered Rabbit,
“If we breed so much, why aren’t there more Rabbits? Why isn’t every living creature a Rabbit? Why isn’t the world chocker-block full of bunnies?”

“Ha” said the Chair,
“It’s because you are only good at breeding – you are absolute crap at economy.”

“Wot?”

“There are never enough resources to support all these litters of bunnies – It’s a battle to survive. Only the smartest and toughest rabbits, or the most coddled, survive. You should read Darwin” said Chair.

“I think you’re talking through your seat” replied Rabbit.

“It’s all true” laughed Chair,
“You bunnies are just a big bunch of miserable fuc….”

“Ooo, you are wickered!” Interupted Rabbit.

MODERN TIMES – A DAY IN MY PRE-RETIREMENT LIFE

(from my daily notes back then)

Anonymous Young Woman: –

“Why are you putting those signs up in front of the church? – I was going to park there!”

Anonymous Church Pastor: –

“This Morning we have a funeral, and we need this space for the hearse and mourners”

AYW:-

“But I always park here – it’s close to the School and the Coffee Shop!

ACP: –

“Well, I’m sorry, you can’t today – perhaps you’d like to park in the church car park just there.”

AYW:-

“I don’t know why you seem to think you can take over the whole street – I like parking there – it’s convenient!”

ACP:-

“But it is not on the street, it is off the street by the church’s front door, and it is church property – for church use – we don’t mind you parking there on days when we are not using the grounds, but this morning we have a funeral, so we need to use our grounds for that purpose.”

AYW:-

“Well, that is arrogant and grossly unfair! No wonder people are stopping coming to church anymore! … I’ve got rights too you know … I pay my taxes – I am a local … …”

ACP:-

“Calm down, calm down –

Taxes have nothing to do with it, and neither does where you were born. This space is owned by the members of this congregation (and you are not one of them). Sadly, this congregation has a funeral here today.

It is sad and hard time for the family, and we can make it easier for them if we don’t get in their way.

This off-street area is the place where the hearse and the immediate family park their cars …out the front of the church.”

“I have said you are welcome to park in the car park – it’s only 5 metres away – I’ll even open the gate for you.”

AYW:-

“Humph! You can keep your church! “

(stomp … stomp … stomp … brrrrmmmmm ……..)

ACP

“Sigh!”

This Is The News (Ode to Emma)

ABC News is on here in Adelaide.

I think Emma might have done something (subtle) with her hair, and she isn’t wearing a jacket.

Now, she looks very nice, but I am a Lutheran – we don’t like change – it makes us uncomfortable. …. She isn’t wearing a jacket, but a very attractive red top instead.

She certainly is lovely woman, intelligent, well spoken, well groomed – and she really is a great news reader, but now I am so uncomfortable … I’ll have to watch through my fingers.

I hope she’s back to normal on Monday.

….. next thing you know, a light bulb will need changing, and it’ll just be just all too much … all too much …

Oh change – don’t let it happen!

The Question

Rabbit wrinkled his nose. “I have a question”.

The Major frowned at his furry roundness.

“What?”

“Can I talk?” puzzled Rabbit.

“What?”

“I mean, do I have the capability to converse – one to one or to a group of listeners, sharing my thoughts and feelings, my fears and joys, my wants and needs?”

“What?”

“I’ll take that as ‘No'” lamented Rabbit.