IMAGE OF A SAINT APPEARS ON TOAST.

Some, possibly inappropriate, satire I penned in 2015 in response to a newspaper article where a similar claim was reported.

“It’s a miracle!” declares local pastor.
Earlier this morning, in the lonely parish manse of St John’s Lutheran Church in Tanunda, fragments of liverwurst rearranged themselves to form the distinct image of a saintly figure.
“It’s an icon in pig off-cuts” said Pastor Fox. “I knew there was something metaphysical going on – the atmosphere was … well, you know ‘cool’ and ‘spiritual’. The dulcet tones of Fran Kelly coming from the tranny, combined with the rays of divine sunlight reflected from the roof of my daughter’s Nissan Pulsar outside the kitchen window told me that Tuesday morning was very special.” “This is a genuine miracle” he went on “that more than rivals others seen in this state. The church car park is available to pilgrims and tourists”.

😉

THEY BREED LIKE RABBITS.

“Hmmm” mused Rabbit, “Why aren’t we rabbits good at more things?”

“Well” Chair answered, “You rabbits are very good at breeding.”

“I was musing to myself, not to you” Rabbit snorted,
“Besides, you can’t give an opinion – you’re a chair. Your only purpose is to be sat upon.”

“That may be so” came the reply,
“But while people are sitting they think, and thinking is catching.
You rabbits should try it.”

“We think … we think” said Rabbit.

“You only think about sex. You are at it day and night … in fields, down holes – talk about ‘Don’t Litter Australia!” Chortled Chair.
“Breed, breed, breed … it’s all you lot do!”

“Well, smarty seat” sneered Rabbit,
“If we breed so much, why aren’t there more Rabbits? Why isn’t every living creature a Rabbit? Why isn’t the world chocker-block full of bunnies?”

“Ha” said the Chair,
“It’s because you are only good at breeding – you are absolute crap at economy.”

“Wot?”

“There are never enough resources to support all these litters of bunnies – It’s a battle to survive. Only the smartest and toughest rabbits, or the most coddled, survive. You should read Darwin” said Chair.

“I think you’re talking through your seat” replied Rabbit.

“It’s all true” laughed Chair,
“You bunnies are just a big bunch of miserable fuc….”

“Ooo, you are wickered!” Interupted Rabbit.

The Question

Rabbit wrinkled his nose. “I have a question”.

The Major frowned at his furry roundness.

“What?”

“Can I talk?” puzzled Rabbit.

“What?”

“I mean, do I have the capability to converse – one to one or to a group of listeners, sharing my thoughts and feelings, my fears and joys, my wants and needs?”

“What?”

“I’ll take that as ‘No'” lamented Rabbit.

A Rabbit Tail Tale

Count Confusabunovich the famous Transylvanian rabbit hypnotiser fixed his crazed, Vincent Price-like gaze on the eyes of his furry captive.
“I have you, my fluffy bunny-one … look into my eyes – you will not escape sleep this time”

Rabbit rolled his eyes and waved his lop ears.
“Oh give it a rest you toothy git and give me my carrot!”

“Oh” exclaimed the Count.

A Rare Archival Magic Lantern Slide Of The Famous Transylvanian Rabbit Hypnotist Majesto Confusabunovich.